By Brandon Jamil
On the surface nice guys demonstrate great qualities. Nice guys can be adaptable, responsible, attentive, supporting, and caring. I mean… who doesn’t want this man? A man that worships the very ground we walk on. A man who understands our every need and is available at any moment. We finally found our Eat Pray Love nice guy–at first we were elated. As time goes on, we find ourselves disinterested in the nice guy.
Our disinterest results in us being aloof and as you know; the more we become cold, the more he wants to make things right by being nice. He believes that if only he does the right thing, we’ll warm back up to him and everything will go back to how things were in the beginning. However, we leave these nice guys–without remorse. Sure, we hear things like: “You’ll never find a nice guy again” “love only comes once in a lifetime.” Deep down we know that we’re attracted to men who don’t want to worship us, but want to create and demand that we add value to their life. On lookers may question what exactly does a good guy do to turn us off? Below I’ve listed the five ways nice guys position themselves to finish last.
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- People pleaser: If someone is busy people pleasing, they’re not being authentic. People pleasers are notorious for self-sacrificing, discarding their own values, lack a solid self-identity, and healthy ego. People pleasing behavior almost always results in disappointment, unrealistic expectations, and resentment towards the external world. Let’s be clear here, I am not suggesting that a man can’t or shouldn’t compromise. Compromise is different altogether. Compromise is like saying: I’ll give you a little of this, I won’t do that, and vice versa. Compromise doesn’t self-sacrifice for our approval.
- No Game: Not everyone is blessed with social intelligence and game. The more game a man has; he naturally generates a smooth yet confident, and self-assured approach. Men that don’t have game tend to make us feel defensive and unbalanced in their presence. Masculine know their role and get the job done (orgasms included). I know that “we” scream toxic masculinity in our modern age, but there is nothing sexy about a man who can’t demonstrate provider “Alpha” man qualities. In-fact this is the quickest way to get friend zoned in my book. And if you’re wondering, I absolutely love masculinity–without apology.
- No Boundaries: Nice guys with no boundaries openly allow blatant disrespect. Therefore, we can’t respect them. In other words, he doesn’t articulate his boundaries with us, so we end up crossing the line and running him over. This of course, isn’t intentional. It’s primal. When we’re in the presence of someone that commands respect, we will follow suit, because the consequences could mean losing the person all together. Needless to say, we place value on those that value themselves.
- Needy: We all have needs that are to be met within a relationship. However, it’s important that we first meet our own needs, so we’re not co-dependent–at all. I have found that when a man is meeting his own needs. I am more inclined to meet him exactly where he places himself. Ironically, I don’t think nice guys got the memo. Usually when a man is needy, I begin to think that I am the center of his universe. Needy men take it personal when you can’t be present or available for them at their beck and call. The truth of the matter is, when we love someone, we’re not attempting to distract them from themselves and their journey.
- Confidence: We all have insecurities in our lives that results in a lack of confidence. On the other hand, the most confident thing we can do is admit it and take steps towards changing it. When a man doesn’t have confidence, he will make excuses for his current set of circumstances, vs talking about what he is doing to actively change his life. How he enters the room (BIG DICK ENERGY) matters, how he speaks, his posture, career, financial stability, and his sexual prowess all fall under his confidence.
In short, nice guys don’t have to finish last. Nice guys can become effective leaders, honorable, respected, and adored. If nice guys are willing to quit the people pleasing behavior, gaining social intelligence, creating strong boundaries, drop the needy behavior, and implementing confidence; there’s no reason why nice guys can’t have fulfilling relationships, amazing orgasms, and self-respect.