By Brandon Jamil
In reality, we’re seeking refuge and safety for our emotions, because we’re terrified of no longer being in control. Those feelings and emotions we’ve kept barried beneath the surface, so desperately wanting to reveal themselves, but we feel somewhat vexed when we’re not reassured that our heart won’t deceive us. What if I told you that there’s a way to ground our emotions in reality; this is to say, creating and experiencing tangible actions that demonstrate our emotions in a healthy and positive manner? A healthy relationship that isn’t about lack and neglect, but a relationship that is built on self assurance and affirmation?
- Slow Down. Take a moment and just breathe. I know this is much easier said than done, but our goal is to ground our feelings—not become victimized by them. Slowing down provides us the room to reflect and give ourselves room to ground our feelings. We ground our feelings by first, acknowledging that we feel them and commit to them. Slowing down also allows us to begin to affirm the love we have for ourselves, and our partner. If we don’t slow down, we’ll end up allowing our emotions to take a toll on us. It’s important to have awareness of how we show up in our relationships. Are we showing up anxious, fearful? Do we feel we’re lacking?
- Know your needs. This step is vital, because it goes against the modern programming that we don’t need anything from anyone. Well guess what? I am telling you flat out; that it doesn’t benefit you to deny your basic needs. After you’ve taken the time to explore your emotions you can now state your needs to your partner—without exuding clinginess and lack. Instead you can state your needs with confidence and not fear rejection. Your partner is also wanting to understand how to connect with you more deeply as well. Keep it simple, and keep the lines of communication open. He can’t know what you’re needing if you can’t communicate with him!
- Accepting the relationship stage. In this stage, you want to make sure that you accept where your relationship is at. Realistically, if you’re in a three month commitment you have to allow time to build solid and stable ground for your relationship to manifest, and flourish. Go back to step one and remember to slow down. Down run down the isle before you make life long fantasies and commitments.
4. Activities. It’s helpful when we create activities for our partner to connect to us in ways that require full creativity and mental focus. This will keep your man on his toes, and it will make him excited to see you. Think in terms such as: planning a date, but don’t give him the address. You only provide the coordinates. Then you give him hints about which restaurant or establishment he will meet you. Like any man, he most likely stored this in the back of his mind, and didn’t put much thought into it. You have leverage here. Now he must recall what you enjoy and he will make sure to make you happy.
5. Spice up your sex life. Be willing to explore different aspects of your sexual personality. We love mother Theresa, but we aren’t her. Allow your fantasies to come to life. Tip: Have him come over after hours. Then keep your door unlocked and ask him to walk in and lock the door behind him. Once he is settled in, you come into the room as a completely different character (his fantasy). This may seem awkward at first, but trust me this is completely liberating for both of you. This is where you can be the most slutty and trashy person ever, and he will be grateful and come back. Why? Because most people don’t switch it up. They remain the same, and do the exact same boring sexual positions. No man wants boring, he wants to feel that he has the complete package. Again men like to feel like their theres something new they must conquer. Make it a point to keep him stimulated, and his feelings will begin to surface.
6. Reconnect with yourself. It’s important that we reconnect with ourself. Meaning, we fill our time with our hobbies and trades that bring emotional fulfillment. Resting, yoga, journaling, and allowing. All of which allows us a healthy means to explore your emotions. The truth is, we all have insecurities when it comes to the matters of the heart. Instead of hiding from our emotions, we must be willing to get active with our feelings. Staying active with our emotions allows us to productively process our emotions and not carry the weight of pain, hurt, and shame.
These steps will provide you with tangible and actions that we can take now. As we continue to feed our relationships, we witness a blossoming of emotional transparency, grounded and stable emotional connection, the exploration of each others love languages and needs, the building of great intimacy, and most of all trust and communication. The more we come to realize that we have the power of choice, we can then transform our fears, and concerns into faith, love, and trust.
Until next time my loves,