Victim or Victor?

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By Brandon Jamil

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In life we all have sets of circumstances that can either cripple us or propel us into a newer and deeper level of understanding, growth, self love, self value. In our darkest moments of despair we can’t always see a way out, and sometimes we can’t see the light at the end of tunnel. We’re left feeling jaded about what has transpired in our lives. The logical thing is to migrate positive or negative thinking. The theory being: If I can think positive about this situation—life will work in my favor. But as we all know, this thinking doesn’t always hold merit. More importantly, it can be quite crippling to our learning process. I am not in the business of dismissing anyones trauma, or emotional suffering. I am in the business of providing space, and tools for individuals to learn how to cope with their trauma—in-order to transform their pain into power. It’s time we as a culture begin to take practical steps towards transformation and owning our personal narratives.

Author of Advanced Anatomy Of The Spirit, Caroline Myss Phd, discusses how we can begin to call back our power from our victimhood. Myss believes that we must first acknowledge that we’ve given our power to sets of circumstances, choices, and outcomes. She believes that most of us operate from a consciousness of victimhood, and we’re lead to believe that we ultimately don’t have the power to choose to become to victor. It’s this innate belief system that disables us from understand that we in-fact can co-create with the universe. More importantly, that we have personal power despite what is happening externally. Myss provides a guide for us to not only reclaim our power, but she assists us with understanding how to cooperate with the universe. Myss has a way that forces all of us who reads her work, to get radically honest about our choices, and helps us look at what we’re not looking at. An example would be: You recently got laid off from your job and now you unsure what to do. Ironically, you’ve been feeling that it was time to leave your job, because it was no longer fueling you, but it was in-fact taking all of your life energy (draining your life force). You’ve known for six months that it was time to leave, but you didn’t because of fear. Now you’re laid off without any money coming in. To the untrained eye, we’d allow ourselves to feel victimized. The truth is you refused to listen to divine guidance, or your natural instincts. You kept putting them off, so to you you feel betrayed. When in-fact this is the push you needed to move your life forward. By the time you heal from this betrayal, you’ll come to understand, “hey I didn’t really want to work there anyways, now I am doing what I truly want to do.” There’s no blame here, we’ve all been there. We’ve all felt as if we had no other choice in life. Remaining in relationships that we KNOW are toxic or no longer fit the model of life, our subsconcious mind is attempting to create. A rule of thumb: the subconscious mind will always have the last say. Always. 

Now lets take the same scenario and flip it around. You’re starting to feel disconnect from your work, you’re wanting to expand another part of yourself. You find yourself day dreaming of the life you could be living. For a moment you ponder the idea of financial ruin, but you begin to think about what would happen to you if you didn’t just take the leap into your life. After-all you know how to take care of yourself. You know how to provide for yourself. You know how to advocate for yourself. What do you do? You take the next six months putting in place an exit strategy and being to create the life you envision for yourself, and hold yourself responsible for your choice to co-create with the universe. You understand that nothing in life is certain and things may change. If you can be laid off tomorrow, you can gain a new client next week, or new job or whatever said dream or desire is. 

The truth is… We have more power than we’re willing to honor or accept. Most people would dismiss this statement. But, lets be honest. It’s much easier to place our power in the hands of other people. I won’t leave my marriage or career because I feel comfortable and you know what? I really don’t want to stand in my truth. I really don’t want to have to be this accountable for my choice, because I know I fear that EVERYTHING will change. It’s this radical honesty that transforms victim consciousness into victorious consciousness. It’s this conversation that we all have with ourselves at some point. It’s the voice that says: “You know you really could have done that with your life, you could have followed that inspiration, and completed the art project.” It’s that voice we don’t want to hear, because that would mean we would have to do the work and stand in our truth. The moment we begin to become honest with ourselves, the blame and shame melts away. Naturally we’re interested in what we can do now to promote a healthy life for ourselves and we’re less interested in giving away our power. 

But let’s say we’ve given away our power, how exactly can we get it back? 

 1. Observe your choices and decisions.

 2. Become honest about why you made those choices.

 3. Be willing to make new choices. 

 4. Accept that you’re afraid of change, and be willing to speak directly to that fear. 

 5. Stop asking for permission and validation. 

 6. Be willing to forgive yourself when you fuck up.

 7. Rid yourself of people that truly don’t align with the person you’re becoming.

 8. Be willing to show up for yourself, even when no one else does. 

 9. Discover a new life philosophy. 

 10. Always remain objective.

 11. Ask for exactly what you want.

 12. Create your value system.

 13. Grow your self esteem (everyday)! 

 14. Dedicate yourself to your work (even when the rewards haven’t shown up yet)! 

We can’t escape our life path and those who try, often live a life of suffering (from not making empowering choices when they know they should). The beauty in evolving from a victim to a victor is understanding that it’s our job to create our life. Once we truly get that lesson, we know longer hold ourselves back. It’s empowering to watch life unfold right before your eyes. One courageous choice, leads to another choice that leads to another choice, that leads to another. One day you’ll look up and not even realize how many small choices you made—turned out to not be so small after all. In-fact you were creating your life the entire time. 

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