By: Brandon Jamil
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It’s eleven o’clock at night and Adrian arrives, and begins to knock on my door. I open the door and look at Adrian in the eyes. “It’s been a long day Michael, I’m sorry that I’m late.” He says. I didn’t respond, I proceeded to sit on the sofa to listen to his story about why he couldn’t show up on time. “How was your day?” Adrian asked. “Adrian, what are we doing here? You should truly be with your wife and family,” I said. “What do you mean Michael, I want to be here with you. Lately you’ve been acting like you have a problem with us. I thought you were cool with the wife and kids,” Adrian replied. “I was okay when you said you’d get the divorce. I was okay when you said you’d tell your family about us. I was okay when you said that I wouldn’t have to wait until next lifetime to truly be yours. I was okay when you said that you’d not keep me in the dark. Well guess what Adrian? I am done waiting for you to decide to love me. I am done wanting you to live your truth. I am done being your side piece of ass. I am done hoping that one day things will change. I am done wanting more from you and knowing deep down inside you wont ever give me what I want. I simply can’t do this with you anymore. Go be with your wife and family,” I said.
“Michael, come on! You know these things take time. I can’t just leave my wife and kids. I can’t just jump out of the closet to my parents. I can’t just abandon everything in my life for you. I can’t right now. I told you just be patient and in time, I will leave her. I just need time,” Adrian said. “I understand you need time Adrian. Consider this a testament to how much I love you, I’ve given so much of my time waiting for you and keeping the hope for us alive in my heart. Time and time again, you’ve left me feeling alone, sad and unworthy. It’s not your fault. No, I can’t blame you for allowing myself to be with married man. I can’t blame you for having a family and being in the closet. It’s funny because I’ve had plenty of time to think. Before you interrupt I want you listen. I’ve decided to move. I’m moving away from this small town filled with small minded people. I’m moving away from this deception. I leave in three days. You can drive up and down this street and knock on this door. I won’t be here for you anymore. I won’t wait for you anymore and I won’t listen to your excuses. I don’t need you,” I said.
“How long were you planning this Michael?” Adrian asked. “Two months Adrian,” I responded. “So, what does this mean? You’re going to just move, and this is it? This means I can never call you?” Adrian asked. “After tonight Adrian, you and this city are dead to me. I can no longer cry over what is not mine. I can no longer concern myself with your affairs of life,” I said. “Michael, you’re being irrational. We can work this out, just wait a minute. Let’s calm down and think. I can fix this, I will tell my wife tomorrow. Please don’t do this. You know I love you, I can’t be everything to you right now. I thought you understood,” Adrian said. “When I met you two years ago, I was recovering from heart break. I thought I had found the love of my life. I thought that we would help each other overcome life’s challenges together. I thought you’d catch me. The crazy yet banal thing is, every time I would jump; you’d watch me fall and not catch me. In life you fall so much you learn how to get up and not need anyone,” I said.
“You won’t even look at me while you’re saying all of this Michael,” Adrian said. “Every time I look at you, I see nothing but my own brokenness. I see my own fears and insecurities, I see the parts of me that refused to let you go and, the parts of me that denied myself love. Looking at you tonight reminded me as to why I must never be that person again.” I said. “What about me? What am I going to do without you? I don’t want you leave. I at-least want to remain your friend Michael. I love you and that’s never going to change.” Adrian said. “Do what you do best. Go home to your wife, better yet go figure your life out.” I retorted. “Michael, look at me! Dammit! Stop this! What do I have to do to make you stay?” Adrian asked. “Adrian it’s late, and It’s best you leave now. I have nothing else to say.” I said while getting up off the sofa and opening the front door. Adrian seemed perplexed. He slowly got up and walked closer to the front door. He looked at me and then looked away shaking his head as he walked to his car. “No one will love you like I did, no one!” Adrian belted. “That’s good, because we what we have isn’t love,” I shouted while shutting the door. I lock door and turn off the lights. I could hear Adrian’s car drive off. The sad part is, he doesn’t know that I’m leaving in the morning.
©2018 Brandon Jamil All Rights Reserved.