By Brandon Jamil
Compromise vs selling yourself
To some extent we’ve heard that comprise is a healthy component within a relationship. It’s the dance of give and take that allows us to experience our partner, while meeting their needs while having it reciprocated. More importantly we know that there is no I in us. Many of us haven’t received the tools on how to compromise. However, most of us have learned by demonstration how to sell our-self. Continue to read this article and subscribe to this website.
What exactly do I mean by selling our-self?
Selling our-self means throwing out our beliefs, values, principals for a relationship. With the intention that by sacrificing our-self by selling our-self we’ll have the relationship we want. This is hardly ever the case. Here why: Often-times, when we sell our-self we’re not thinking of the long-term effects of that choice. We’re only concerned with the moment and how we want to feel in the moment. Which is natural, when we love someone, all we want is to feel alive and connected to the person we’re with. I have come to understand (by speaking with good girlfriends over the years) that many of us are selling our-self in the name of love. What many of us don’t know is that isn’t love, that is fear. Fear of being alone, fear of standing in your power, fear of owning yourself; all because our relationship may in-fact come to an end.
How do I compromise without selling myself?
Compromise is about understanding the needs of both you and your partner -finding a healthy safe middle ground that allows both of you to be fulfilled without the need to have power over one another. You are willing to truly understand that you are two separate individuals with different needs, however you both share similar values. It within those values you both create a mutual interest in the direction, action needed to build, sustain a healthy relationship. Compromise isn’t placing yourself in a position to not be empowered. Compromise has nothing to do with being a martyr. When making the choice to compromise ask yourself how you truly feel about how your relationship to compromise and what your ideas are about compromise. You should never feel obligated out of fear of loss, but more so to be empowered to the blossoming, transformation of your relationship. When you honor who yourself, choosing to compromise can’t feel like you’re selling yourself. You are the only person that gives yourself the permission to sell yourself.
I’ve sold myself how can I stop?
To be honest here, I haven’t met a human being on this planet that hasn’t sold themselves in some-way or another. This too can be empowering, here is why. Earlier in the article I stated that we’ve learned how to sell ourselves through demonstration. I will elaborate here: Rather it was watching a parent who stayed in a marriage because of the finances, or because of the lack of self-esteem. Perhaps it was a friend who stayed at a job that paid well, but that corporation did not support their emotional well-being, or even family members who stayed in toxic relationships that were meant to be over as soon as they started. The grace in selling yourself is seeing how you do it, and learn how, and what triggers you to do so. That self- awareness allows you to then learn how to not sell yourself within your life choices. The moment you acknowledge that you’ve based your decisions on a model of life that doesn’t support you. Now it’s time for you to align yourself with what will support you. You must figure out what your personal boundaries are. Then re-examine your value system. Get VERY clear on your boundaries, values- this will be the foundation that you compromise from. Once you get clear, you then understand where your partner is at in their development and now from that space you both make the effort to take steps into creating what you both equally want. Again, this isn’t about having the upper hand within your relationship.
What if my partner doesn’t want to compromise?
As annoying as it is to hear this… You now must make the choice if this relationship is suitable for you, the quality of life you demand of yourself. You can’t control another person or their choices. At best you can be of assistance. At the end of the day it’s their choice and if you’ve come to cross roads within your relationship, you have to ask yourself “do I want to endure a relationship that is one sided?” “Do I want to be in a situation where I feel that I am not being honored at my deepest levels?” Never give your power away when you’re capable of owning your vision and honoring who you are.